Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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