thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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