You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
