I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
