I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
