I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
