wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
