she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
