Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
