dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
