I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
