nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
