walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
