lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
