She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
