i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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