idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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