Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
