Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
