What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
