he wants to bone in the snuggie
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
