I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
