i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
