i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
