I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
