Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
