Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
