I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
