Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
