the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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