Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
