Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And then he peed in my hair
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