My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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