So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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