even my farts smell like vagina
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
