I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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