Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
