Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
