in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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