arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
