Dude my mom stole all your condoms
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
