I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i now understand why vodka
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
