Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
