why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
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