By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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