just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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