Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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