My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
