I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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