you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
